Four Years

Hi Papa. May, 12th is today.

Its been four year since the final round with you. As I am writing this post, are you somewhere up there, looking down at us? Wonder whether you already get used of it, your not-too-new location?

These more-than thousand days without you, I was always asking myself, what could it be if you still accompany us?

It's early summer in countries with four seasons, yet, our own ground is as hot as you can imagine. Clearly, I still remembered how you disliked when in tolerance with warm weather. I am exactly same as you were, really feel uncomfortable with our humidility, damp weather condition. It not fair ain't we, we have to bare the hot breeze of summerday, yet do not have the privilege of enjoying the fragrant smell of blossomful flowers in spring and coldness nights with sparkling snows falling down from the dark skies.

It has been of numberous days without a single drop of rains since 2~3weeks ago, and Mid-Summer festival is around the corner. Papa, I still remember you always never failed to astonish us on the quantity of Mid-Summer dumplings you managed to swallow in to your belly, hoho!

To be honest to you, Papa, I started to think of you lesser and lesser. It was of such frequent that you could came into my countless night dreams, during the first years of your absent, that I couldn't help myself but to mesmerising the days we were together, you, Mum, Koh Koh(prior to his marriage), & myself.. Older people said it is not auspicious to dream so much of people from other world, but who really cares, and as I said, I couldn't help it.. the teardrops were actually flooding in my heart, which I couldn't afford to express them out, and I didn't know what else I can do best to heal my grieveness of lossing you, well.... I dunno.

The way you preceived and practised, chosen a jovious method of enduring the joy and sorrow of earthly this world. It supposed to be the timing for you to enjoy your golden days, alas it was just 1 year time limit after your retirement that then, God wanna you to be at His side, help them up with the White Stage hustle & bustle task up there, hehe. I guess you are okay with the climate up there, musta be cooling, huh? He he!

You know what, many still miss you so much, especially from temple sisters & brothers, up till these days, I know that. That day when Koh Koh, WF(sister-in-law) & me knelt in front of you before your final departure journey, I read out Worship Letter, on how friendly your smiles, your joyfullness that always welcomed by us, which I uttered with my tembling voice, and that the sky became cloudly and cool, saddened breeze blown up in a sudden moment, as though the surrounding was heart-broken with your sudden dismiss.

Oh..., forgive me to revoke out all this. Anyway, I have changed, Papa. Now that without your presence, I learn and adapt your style to be as jovious as you had been, hee...

Hmm, if I am given a wish, I would really hope I would have not let you see my sour face whenever I was not happy. Why should I be such a grumpy child of such a jovious Papa?? I reckon you musta tolerating much which such a disgusting, sorrowful kid, hor? Why didn't I try to live as delightful with you when I could, it is to late now..

Dun worry, Papa, I have learnt my very lessons, and I'm improving very much nowadays. Many, I guess, has realised my changes, no more like before. I'm more responsible to others and myself now.

Mum get used to the life now, and so are we.

As an immortal now, your zai zai would selfishly wish you could popi popi us, indirectly guide us, hint us if we stuck in any situation where your zai zais could not get through.

Take care & pai pai, Ah Pa. You are always on our mind.

Luv,

Your Small Zai Zai.